In the Words of the Song “What you believe is true”
Our beliefs are like a self imposed box around which clouds the access to any reality we want. What you believe is nothing but a filter which helps create your world. You may well think that what you believe is true, but you only have to listen to other people’s beliefs which contrast or contradict your own to understand that beliefs aren’t about facts, or anything else, they are personal choices.
I remember talking to a male friend of mine who was in some distress telling me that he thought his wife was going to leave him, because in her words he was “miserable and awful company most of the time”. I asked him if he was, and he admitted he felt pretty low most of the time. He said he couldn’t pinpoint why. After talking some more, he revealed his fear that yet another marriage was going to end. He had adored his first wife and he had hoped they would be together forever. But she left him for another guy. Although he had accepted this [he said] he was still pretty angry about it. I asked him why he had married his second wife if he still loved his first wife. He said he didn’t love his first wife anymore and deeply loved his 2nd wife. So what on earth was going on, why was he angry? Then the true reason for his misery became abundantly clear to me. He told me emphatically! “No I don’t love her any more, but I firmly believe marriage is forever”
The penny dropped for me, no wonder he was so miserable in his new marriage. His limiting and outworn belief that marriage should last forever was making him feel guilty and depressed, because he was acting contrary to his own belief. Because of his belief he unconsciously was “being” the husband of his first wife still, despite the physical and legal divorce. Once I challenged his belief, the mask came off and he realised he was sabotaging his second marriage, because his belief was that he should remain married to his first wife!