The power of your language
If you’ve used Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP) you will understand how powerfully your language can not only reveal what’s really going on inside but can be the catalyst to strengthen your resolve. If you’ve ever listened to a friend or colleague who appears powerless in a given situation, it’s because their inner language is giving away their own power, and they actually feel powerless.
Many years ago when I was in my 20’s I worked for a woman who gleefully bullied everyone. Luckily I had come from a background where I was used to standing up to myself and I decided not to play her game. I realised her attempt to make me cower to her power was all about her own inner security. My inner dialogue was strong and it helped me traverse that particular experience with my confidence intact. That’s not to say it was easy, and it wasn’t until she left the organisation for good did I realise how stressful life had been during her “reign”. I remember consoling colleagues who were reduced to tears by her demands and her judgements on them. I knew on a level that all they needed was to find their power inside of them, but at that time, my inexperienced self just didn’t know how to help them. I realised though that the more someone was upset by this woman’s behaviour, the weaker was the language they used about themselves.
Language can be used as a learning tool in two distinct ways. Firstly you can observe your language and discover your own mindset. if you talk about yourself, your efforts or your prospects with shaky or vague language then you haven’t formed a firm and empowering self-concept or self-image. You probably haven’t accepted yourself, forgiven yourself, or engendered a positive belief in yourself. However, we all know when we are in the presence of someone who is confident, assertive and is happy in their own skin. To go towards achieving this particular state you can use and affirm positive language, which helps to programme your subconscious mind in a way which builds and improves your resolve.
To get you started here are 6 phrases or words you need to become aware of when you are using them, which can be chipping away at your self-confidence, determination or self-respect, and 6 words or phrases you need to use to help you feel better about yourself, create greater resolve and be happier.
6 phrases or words to become aware of
- I can’t – We all know the saying if you think you can’t then you can’t. You really need to review the use of this word because it is blocking your power.
- I will try – If you are trying, you have already set yourself up for failure. You must never “try” you must always ditch this word and say “I will”
- But – If you are using “but” as a way to excuse yourself from thinking or doing something to get you to where you want to be, you may well be self-sabotaging your efforts
- I should – We all do it, and it’s not pretty. When we say “I should” we are judging ourselves for not doing something. This invokes guilt. Either say I won’t or I will, much more empowering.
- You made me feel – this is such a subtle giveaway of power. If someone evokes feelings inside of you, it’s because they are already there. If you attribute your feelings to someone else you are giving away your power, and not taking responsibility by owning your own feelings.
- It’s not my fault – While not everything is your fault, you do have the power to react to given situations in whichever way you chose. This phrase also indicates a venture into the blame game which is futile in many cases.
6 phrases or words to begin to use
- I am – You have to claim who you are, and if you are using negative phrases, such as “I am not confident”, “I am losing”, guess what, your subconscious mind will create what you believe you are. The empowering way to talk about “I am”, is to say positive phrases, such as “I am doing the best I can”, “I am gaining in confidence every day”, and this will change your reality.
- I will – This positive phrase is about setting your intention. When you say “I will make the change”, then it’s a commitment which is nearly always certain to create a positive outcome.
- I choose – We always have choices, life doesn’t happen by default and when you choose, you are using your intrinsic power to decide upon what you want.
- I take responsibility – Our ego wants us to blame everyone for our challenging experiences in life, but when you realise you can always choose your response even if you don’t believe you can change the situation, then you are immediately empowering yourself.
- I don’t know – When you think about it, our real natural state is that of “not knowing”. Our only certainty is that we are seeing and interpreting the world through our perceptions. When our perceptions change, then our world changes. It is really empowering to admit “I don’t know”.
- I love – Find something to love about everyone and everything you encounter. It is so easy to find the negative or to make a judgement. When you say “what can I find to love about this person or situation” You are on a communication level which can only bring good.