It All Starts With You!
Did you know that you’re in a relationship with yourself? Or rather, did you know the person you will always be in a relationship with is yourself? Now since that is out there, what kind of relationship do you have with yourself? Oftentimes, how you treat yourself, is how you treat others. Whether you believe that or not, it’s a principle truth. That’s why it’s important to have a good relationship with yourself if you’re ever going to enjoy great relationships with others. Essentially healthy boundaries are a part of successful relationships.
In this article, we’ll address 5 healthy boundaries that will ensure success in your relationship with others. Important because healthy boundaries = healthy relationships.
Boundary #1 The Power Of No
Whereas this may sound overrated, it is liberating and helpful. Being able to say no is a sign of respect for self and for others. It shows that you only go so far, it shows that you have limits like any other human being, it shows that you aren’t always available, and it shows that you attach value to what you give.
The word no has functionality equivalent to a gate. It controls what you let in and what you don’t. Saying no allows you to regulate what comes your way.
People often associate saying no with being rude or if it’s with an authority, it’s taken as insubordination but that’s because no one likes being told no. However, without a no, you’ll never understand the value of a yes.
When you’re able to say no to yourself for events that don’t add value to you, you’re better placed to say no to others because you’ve practised it on yourself and experienced the benefits of it.
A good place to start would be, what do you need to say no to in your life that is curtailing your progress? Is it a habit? Could it be a thought pattern? Is it a friendship? Take some time with yourself, find out what that is, and begin a day at a time to say no to that identified object.
Boundary #2 The Power Of Your Voice
It’s paramount to realize what your voice can do for you. If you don’t voice out what’s inside you, no one else will do it for you and perhaps that’s why you may be overlooked, not heard, or understood. You need to know that your voice is your gift of empowerment.
Some of us use our voice in a destructive manner, we’re abusive with our words hence we lose in relationships, and in opportunities more often than we wish to. Some of us don’t speak with clarity, because we’re too shy to say exactly what we want. As a result, people often have to figure out what we’re saying or they ask many follow-up questions.
What’s important is to realize where you’re going wrong with your voice and begin appropriating the right methods that will bring about the change you desire to see
Boundary #3 The Power Of Responsibility
You’re only responsible for yourself. Now, this may be difficult to understand especially if you’re a parent or you’re tasked with caring for others.
Being responsible for yourself isn’t saying that you cease playing your role in other people’s lives. For example, a parent is to provide for the needs of their child. In essence, what being responsible for yourself means is to, carry the weight of your own feelings and not those of others. Consider what they feel but don’t carry their feelings with you.
An example of what that means is if your friend is unhappy with you for missing out on their event let’s say a birthday party and you apologized for it, even citing the reasons for missing out on the party, then at that moment, you liberate yourself from feelings of guilt irrespective of how your friend reacts.
In the power of responsibility, it says you only have enough capacity to carry your own weight and not those of others. It allows you to draw the line between what’s yours to carry and what’s not yours to carry.
Boundary #4 The Power Of Time
Everyone one of us, no matter where we are on the globe or what we do, we all have 24 hours in a day. How you spend that time is what’s different. If you’re the kind of person who overcommits on other people’s schedules and ends up with very little to no time for yourself, then you need to change that kind of lifestyle.
In not having time for yourself, you’re denying yourself the opportunity to engage with yourself in a healthy manner. Most of the time, our reason for not being by ourselves is because we don’t want to deal with what’s inside of us.
The truth is, we will never get away from what’s happening inside of us no matter how busy our lives get. The sooner we deal with ourselves, the better the quality of life we’ll have, and the better we’ll enjoy ourselves.
Set aside time for yourself, and you’ll be better placed to spend quality time with others in the way they experience you.
Boundary #5 The Power Of Your Thoughts
Take charge of what you think. You may say, “But I don’t have control over what gets into my mind” First and foremost that’s a lie. You have control over what you think about.
Your mind is a powerful tool built inside of you, the manner in which you use it, will determine the quality of life you live. That’s why it’s necessary to establish proper boundaries with what is in your environment.
What this means is, what do you pay attention to? In terms of what you hear, what you see and watch, the kind of conversations you have, etc. All of these affect what gets into your mind consequentially to the kind of thoughts you have.
Do yourself a favour and determine to have the right kind of thoughts by setting boundaries around your environment.
Those are just some of the fundamental healthy boundaries you can set for yourself in order to enjoy great relationships with others because you have a great relationship with yourself.
Victoria is a lover of life and God, a certified freelance writer and blogger, and a personal reflection enthusiast. Her aim is to help individuals cut on crappy habits, live their best life by writing about personal growth and development topics centred on spiritual, mental and emotional wellness.