I was only eight or nine years old when I decided to attend Sunday School entirely on my own, without the rest of my family. The rituals of the service didn’t interest me; what did was a profound sense of awe that brought a familiar, loving presence even closer.
Around that same time, I discovered the local library. When my parents first took me there, I was mesmerised by the sight of all those books. Little did I know, this library would open a path towards discovering my Higher Self that would last a lifetime. Decades later, a defining marker on that path was M. Scott Peck’s The Road Less Travelled. It was the exact book that finally made me realise what I had been missing for all those years. What I had no idea about was what would come next.
Beginning this journey is exciting. It is also unsettling, confusing and at times deeply uncomfortable, and you will feel all of those things more than once. Most of us begin because something inside us whispers that there must be a better way to live. Life may have become exhausting. Success may not have brought the fulfilment it promised. Or you may simply sense there is more to who you are than the roles you play.
Whatever brings you here, it helps to know from the outset that this is not a quick fix. It is a lifelong journey of learning, healing and remembering who you really are. And here is the good news: every step forward makes the next one a little easier.
Growth Rarely Feels Comfortable
Personal transformation isn’t difficult because your Higher Self asks impossible things of you. It is difficult because it gently invites you to let go of the beliefs, habits and identities that no longer serve you. Our familiar patterns, even the unhealthy ones, feel safe simply because they are familiar.
As you become more self-aware, you begin to notice the stories you’ve always believed about yourself. You see where fear has been making your decisions. You recognise the voice of the ego more clearly. At the same time, you begin learning to choose differently, which is what the chapter on the two thought systems is for. This is unsettling for one simple reason: you are changing the lens through which you have viewed your entire life.
In childhood, I felt very much on my own. My mother suffered from ill health and simply wasn’t emotionally available. My Dad, though he did his best, couldn’t fill that void. I learned early to rely on myself. I didn’t know how to express my needs without feeling needy, so I kept them to myself. That independence made me extremely resilient. However, it also left me feeling alone and weighed down with responsibility. Life was often stressful because I wouldn’t ask for help. When I had no choice, I felt guilty and obligated to whoever gave it. Only when I saw where this belief had come from could I finally let it go. In turn, I discovered that people usually like to help, that asking builds relationships, and that receiving kindness can leave you feeling grateful rather than beholden.
Healing Often Comes Before Freedom
Most people expect growth to feel peaceful from the beginning. It rarely does, and there is a reason. Awareness does not arrive selectively: as it grows, the feelings you have avoided or buried come into view along with everything else, and old hurts start asking for attention. If that happens to you, it is not a sign that something has gone wrong. It is the order these things come in.
Healing isn’t about pretending painful experiences never happened. It is about releasing the suffering we continue to carry long after the event itself has passed. The Emotional Guidance System you will meet later in this series becomes invaluable here, because it helps you recognise when you have wandered away from your Higher Self and gently points you back towards peace.
For me, healing has been a lifetime’s work. Losing my parents and my best friend brought cycles of grief I still move through today, though each time the intensity softens a little. One of the most long-running painful experiences of healing was grieving for my inner child, for the little girl who felt alone and abandoned. This pain felt too dangerous to tackle until just a few years ago. It was the work of recognising my Higher Self that gave me the confidence and understanding to face it. The lightness and inner peace waiting on the other side have given me a very different experience of life.
Progress Isn’t Linear
One of the biggest surprises on this journey is that growth doesn’t happen in a straight line. You will have wonderful weeks where everything seems to make sense. Then something unexpected happens, and you wonder whether you’ve learned anything at all. This is perfectly normal.
Life has a remarkable way of presenting us with fresh opportunities to practise what we’ve learned. Similar situations return again and again. Yet each time we meet them with a little more awareness, a little more compassion and a little less fear. This is why I describe life as Earth School: every experience becomes another lesson rather than another punishment.
I’ve learned to give myself a break over the most ingrained habits, the ones I know full well don’t serve me, yet keep repeating. I still get annoyed with people I have no business getting annoyed with when things don’t go my way: the late delivery, the moment of incompetence. These days I manage not to show it, so I no longer upset anyone, but I still feel the burn inside. I am still working on it.
Your Relationships Will Become Your Greatest Teachers
As your awareness deepens, you’ll begin to see your relationships differently. Instead of asking, “Why are they doing this to me?” you’ll gradually find yourself asking, “What is this situation helping me see about myself?” Sometimes the lesson is about boundaries. Sometimes it is forgiveness, courage or self-worth.
Relationships stop being obstacles and become opportunities for growth. They become mirrors that reveal where healing is still possible.
Whenever I feel negative emotion about what someone says or does, I know I’ve hit a learning situation. One of the most recent has been the political views of some of my family, and I’m sure I’m not alone in this. To say we are poles apart is an understatement. At first I would get animated, wanting to bring out all the evidence to prove them wrong. We didn’t fall out, but we came perilously close. Then I realised I didn’t have to be right. I didn’t have to persuade anyone that my view was better. Instead, I set aside the need to win and valued our connection more than the argument. I still hold my views, and I’ll state them when asked. Yet I’m now aware enough not to impose them on anyone.
Inspiration Begins to Replace Struggle
The greatest encouragement I can offer you is this: although the journey is challenging, it also becomes increasingly beautiful. You begin noticing moments of calm that never used to exist. You react differently, recover from setbacks more quickly, and discover an inner wisdom that quietly guides your decisions.
Eventually, life becomes less about constantly trying to control everything and more about responding with clarity and trust. You may still experience sadness, grief or disappointment; these are part of being human. However, suffering no longer has quite the same hold over you.
I hold strong values about how people should be treated, and at work I was always acutely aware when decisions failed to take the human equation into account. Whenever I encountered unfairness, favouritism or people being ignored, I would feel anxious and annoyed. A colleague once said to me, “I don’t know what happens, but sometimes your attitude changes without any warning.” I knew, of course, what it was: a value I held dear was being violated. Now that I can see the pattern, the reaction has lost its grip. Instead of turning hostile, I look for ways to bridge the gap.
More importantly, when I lost the extreme emotional reaction, when I thought my values were being trampled on, I often became inspired to respond in a loving and understanding way.
You begin noticing moments of calm that never used to exist. You react differently, recover from setbacks more quickly
Try This: What It Will Cost You
Write down what you expect this journey to cost. Time, comfort, certain opinions of yourself, perhaps certain relationships. Be specific and be honest. Then read the list back and ask which of them you were losing anyway.
There will be days when the old way of thinking seems easier. There will be times when growth feels painfully slow. Keep going. Every act of forgiveness, every moment of self-awareness, every choice to respond with love instead of fear is quietly changing you. That’s when you begin to understand what’s waiting for you on the other side.
Articles in The Journey
Living From Your Higher Self: The Journey to Your True Self; Introduction
- The Question That Changed My Life
- Why Personal Growth Isn’t Enough
- Your Teachers Are Closer Than You Think
- The Road Ahead: What to Expect When You Begin
- What’s Waiting on the Other Side? Discovering the Peace You Already Carry