Many people think of inspiration as something extraordinary. We picture charismatic leaders, gifted speakers or exceptional successes. Yet some of the people who have inspired me most have done none of those things. Sometimes it is simply how someone makes us feel when we are around them.
Have you ever met someone who made you feel completely seen? Someone who listened without judgement, accepted you without trying to change you, and somehow left you calmer, wiser or more hopeful than before? They may never have offered advice or tried to motivate you, yet being in their company changed something within you.
This is the kind of inspiration I mean here. It has very little to do with impressing people, and nothing at all to do with setting out to inspire them. It is closer to being the kind of person in whose company someone else can see something better in themselves.
The People Who Change Us
One of my best friends died unexpectedly nine years ago. She was a force of nature. We met in our teens, so we grew up together and shared many of life’s events. The grief of losing her so suddenly was intense, not only for me but for everyone who knew her. She was an old soul, wise and deeply caring. I always felt totally seen, understood, and unconditionally accepted and embraced by her love.
I knew I was not alone in this; she liked people instinctively and saw the best in them. She made sure they knew she had seen them, that they mattered and that, in her eyes, they were OK. Still, even I was overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and tributes from hundreds of people whose lives she had touched.
She loved children and made sure they knew they were loved. Both her own children and mine knew she was their biggest cheerleader.
She never performed on a stage. She never gave a speech, and I doubt the word “inspiration” ever crossed her mind. Nine years on, I understand much better what she was doing. She wasn’t trying to inspire anybody. She saw something good in people and made sure they knew she saw it. Judging by how many lives she touched, that was powerful enough.
This kind of inspiration does not perform, and it is not trying to be noticed.
What the First Three Foundations Look Like in Real Life
In earlier articles, we explored the Higher Self, Self-Awareness and Unity Consciousness. This is where those ideas start to show up in ordinary life. Inspiration isn’t another thing we have to learn to do. In fact, trying to be inspiring rather defeats the point.
As we listen more to the Higher Self, we become less driven by fear. Self-Awareness helps us catch some of our old reactions before they run away with us.
Unity Consciousness changes something else. Other people stop being so easily divided into winners and losers, right and wrong, or people we approve of and those we don’t.
These three shifts gradually change how we think, and then how we relate to other people. From the outside, none of it looks dramatic. We interrupt less, we get less rattled in difficult conversations, and what we say and do start to align more often.
People Notice When Something Doesn’t Ring True
We pick up a surprising amount from each other without consciously thinking about it. We notice tone of voice, facial expressions and body language, and we notice when something doesn’t quite add up. If you’ve ever watched someone whose body language doesn’t match their words, you will know what I mean.
Someone can tell us they are perfectly happy while every part of them seems to be saying otherwise. We tend to believe what we pick up rather than the words. The reverse is true too. When someone genuinely means what they say, we usually sense that as well.
Research into emotional contagion, social signalling and co-regulation suggests that our emotional states can influence one another, often without our consciously noticing. The terminology isn’t particularly important here. The practical point is that what we bring into an interaction matters.
When what we believe, say and do broadly align, we don’t have to work at appearing genuine. We are.
Knowing What Matters and What Is Worth Pursuing
One of the most significant things I have discovered is that life itself begins to feel different.
For me, listening more closely to my Higher Self didn’t magically make life easier. It gradually made some things clearer. I became better at recognising what mattered to me, when fear was making the decision, and when something felt worth pursuing even when there was no obvious reward. I learned to tell the difference between feeling inspired to act and knowing it was best to leave things alone. When I have gone ahead and bought something or pursued a relationship without feeling inspired, those experiences have taught me when to stop.
It also changes the question. Instead of only asking, What do I want? I increasingly find myself asking, What would be good for everyone involved?
This does not mean sacrificing ourselves for other people. Sometimes the answer will still be to say no, walk away or put a firm boundary in place. The difference is that somebody else doesn’t have to lose for me to feel I have won.
Giving Attention and Acceptance
This brings me back to my friend. What she gave people wasn’t advice or wisdom delivered from on high. She gave them her attention and acceptance.
When we set our judgements aside for a moment and truly see the person in front of us, they may leave the conversation feeling a little more accepted or a little more hopeful. We haven’t fixed or changed them. We have given them room to be themselves. That is exactly what my friend did for me and, I discovered after she died, for an extraordinary number of other people too.
That does not mean every exchange will have this effect, or that we are responsible for how another person feels.
The Small Kindnesses We Never Hear About
We rarely see the effect of all the small interactions we have with people. A conversation can make somebody feel judged or understood. We can add to a difficult moment or make it slightly easier. Most of the time, we will never know which we did.
A small kindness might change somebody’s day. Giving someone the benefit of the doubt might stop an argument from escalating. Seeing more in somebody than the behaviour they display might help them see more in themselves too.
And perhaps that is all inspiration really needs to be. Somebody leaves our company feeling a little more accepted, optimistic, or able to be themselves. We may never even know we had that effect.
“Somebody leaves our company feeling a little more accepted, hopeful or able to be themselves.”
Try This: A Short Reflection
Find a few quiet minutes and bring to mind the person whose presence has changed you most. Not the most impressive person you’ve known, but the one who made you feel most like yourself.
Picture a specific moment with them. Where were you? What did they do or say, or not say? Notice how you felt as you walked away.
Now ask yourself: what about how they were, rather than what they did, reached you?
Finally, turn it around. Somewhere in your life is a person to whom you could give the same kind of attention. In your next conversation with them, try giving them your full attention: no advice unless it is asked for, and no rushing to fix. Notice what happens in them and in you.
To better understand how we inspire others, it’s worth looking next at the distinction between motivation and inspiration.
Continue Exploring
Living From Your Higher Self is a journey of understanding and practice. These ten articles are designed to be read in any order, but together they provide a complete framework for living with greater peace, purpose and self-awareness.
Foundations
- The Journey
- The Higher Self
- Self-Awareness
- Unity Consciousness
- Inspiring Self and Others (Current)
Living the Philosophy
Articles In Inspiring Self and Others
Inspiring Self and Others: Living in a Way That Calls Forth the Best in Everyone
- The Difference Between Motivation and Inspiration
- What You Are Really Chasing Is a Feeling
- Characteristics of Inspirational People
- Why Trying to Inspire Never Works
- What Happens When Nobody Needs To Win
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