How Emotionally Intelligent Are You Really?

A few weeks ago I was taking my son to school in the midst of a snow storm. As I pulled into the student drop-off at the high school, I noticed a woman who was getting into her car. Her rear lights went on and she started to back out just as I passed her. Evidently, she must have thought that I should have waited for her to pull out. Moments later she pulled up next to me on the passenger side and began yelling, gesturing, and waving her arms. I just sat there and smiled. I guess I should have thought better of doing that because my smile seemed to make her increase the extremity of her behavior. At that point, she became so out of control that I couldn’t contain myself any longer and I began to laugh.
Immediately she took off and cut in front of me. Obviously very upset, she pulled out of the drop-off area, nearly losing control of her car. She stopped just short of rear-ending the person in front of her. As I drove home I considered her behavior and how often each of us might better keep from losing control of our emotions. Here are a number of questions that might help each of us heighten our awareness of our ability to maintain our cool.
Whatever was going on with the woman in the snow storm, I will never know. Likewise, when dealing with others who may react emotionally, we must admit that we don’t know what is going on with them even though we may not agree with their behavior. But in this situation, I probably did something initially that caused her to react emotionally which bordered on complete irrationality. If you find yourself becoming upset frequently, you need to recognize your behavior and try to surface the source of your emotional reaction—your thinking.
Becoming more emotionally intelligent is possible and can result in huge personal and professional dividends. Begin by understanding your feelings and how you create them. Then make a deliberate attempt to understand the source of your emotions and create a number of more effective responses for managing your reactions. Doing so will help you create respect, build relationships, and achieve the results that you really want.
John R. Stoker has been immersed in organizational development and change for over 20 years. He is the Founder and President of DialogueWORKS, Inc. In these roles John has worked extensively with a number of companies, helping them increase their capacity to enhance effectiveness and improve results. John is also the author of the popular groundbreaking book Overcoming Fake Talk, which was released in May of 2013.
John has vast experience in designing strategic change and in creating and implementing training curriculum in support of company-wide improvement initiatives. He has worked with numerous organizations as a change management consultant.
DialogueWORKS was founded in 1998 and is headquartered in Springville, Utah, with affiliates throughout North America, Europe, and Asia.