For many years I was really confused about the choices available to me. Indecision was a state I remained in many times I had to choose.  When I was younger I had no clue how to discern the difference between the ego and the higher self.    I’ve veered between piously “asking my higher self” what I need to do and recklessly shutting my higher self out. I would shut that gentle wisdom when I wanted to do something which I thought would result in disapproval not only from my higher self but from others around me.

So I’ve veered between indecision and guilt for years. Sometimes feeling so certain of a course of action that it must be the right thing to do.  Other times blindly moved forward hoping  that things just might turn out ok, but often they didn’t.

the higher self

The answer to this dilemma came in two parts.  The first came some time ago when I realised the higher self was not this abstract separate energy or entity. This energy was not this judgmental force that frowned if  I was not perfectly good.  Our higher self is the loving force within every one of us.  This loving energy is within and we can choose it at any time.  It is our true nature.

When I talk about my higher self, it is simply the least controversial word to describe the part of us that is loving, kind, abundant, at peace and forgiving. Some people can call this part of themselves God, Love, Universal Wisdom, or even Collective Consciousness.   It matters not what you call it, you can call it anything you like, as long as you are comfortable about the loving presence it brings.   This love or higher self is within and we can choose it for the force of good at any time.

The ego thought system

Meanwhile, the ego thought system is opposed to the higher self.  It is not who we are, it is the frightened, judgemental and hateful part of us.  The ego disguises its base nature by justifying decisions made with it, with defensiveness, otherness and a need to attack.  The ego thought system creates our thinking and therefore our behaviour from a base of fear and weakness.

This distinction was illustrated when I wanted a new job.  I didn’t realise my dilemma was whether wanting the new job was aligned with my higher self or was an ego construct.  When I thought about this with my higher self, I realised the reason I wanted the job was because of the salary scale.  The fear that I wouldn’t have enough was to the fore.  This resulted in my attempts at securing a new job being half-hearted and fuelled with guilt.  Of course, the new job didn’t come.  When I approached seeking a new job because I thought I could make a difference and it tied in with my values, then it did come easily.

Choosing with Your higher self

What has recently become clear to me is that choosing my higher self is not a choice about whether I should take a particular path or not.  It’s about doing whatever I choose with love and not the ego.  In the above example, as long as I was choosing the new job with love then I am aligned with my higher self.

This has helped me when hoping for better situations for others.  Instead of wanting a specific outcome which I think would be best for them, instead, I ask for their own higher self to come into play.  Not what I think will be good for them.  We never know what is good for someone else.  Only individuals can make those decisions.  If they decide from a place of fear, guilt or hatred, then they will learn this is likely not the right way to go.

We don’t know what the most loving thing is for ourselves or others but the love within or our higher self does know.

For me, the formula to apply when discerning the difference between the ego and the higher self is simple. It is when our heart and our head feel at peace.

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I help leaders develop self- mastery, helping them to become confident in their own inner guidance.

I collaborate with leadership experts, managers and HR professionals to help them get their own message and unique services and products to a wide audience.