The desire to belong is something we all experience. This desire arises from a universal human need to belong. Although we already belong to the human race, we often experience a passion for a greater sense of belonging: a longing for belonging. The word belonging is now being used extensively in diversity, equity, and inclusion, representing a positive expansion of the language of this significant movement. Beyond the use of belonging connected to diversity, the desire for a greater sense of belonging is widespread and drives our thoughts and actions.
We may think about what belongs to us: our belongings or our possessions. We may think about what we already belong to: our communities, clubs, groups, families, and the human race, to name but a few. In this article, rather than belonging, I have focused on belonging with ourselves, others, and our environments. This feeling of belonging is not exclusive or exclusionary and is much more inclusive than belonging to a particular group or entity.
The coronavirus pandemic has increased feelings of loneliness and isolation around the world. The lockdowns, shelter-in-place mandates, and personal desires for protection against the virus have resulted in many of us spending more time at home alone. Video conferencing technology has opened windows to a world we never quite imagined. However, communicating with family and friends through digital devices is not the same as physically gathering together. We ended up being alone with ourselves more than ever before. Having a sense of belonging with ourselves, with our thoughts, in our small world can be challenging.
Belonging
Belonging to others embraces many aspects of our lives. Consider how this longing for belonging manifests as we think about our partners, families, and friends; the people at work or in our professional and educational groups; and in social circles such as our church, local activity groups, and the multitude of online groups we may have joined. To what extent do we belong with the people in these groups? Are we seeking a greater sense of belonging, or are there groups we could let go of?
Belonging to our environment can extend from inside our homes to the world where we live and where we go, and beyond to the natural world and humanitarian causes that we are passionate about. We may feel a positive sense of belonging in some aspects of our environment. We may also feel overwhelmed by the dark times we are experiencing in the world today. Determining which of these environments we wish to belong to may be challenging, but it is essential to choose where to use our energy consciously.
Relationships And Belonging
Relationships with people and places can help satisfy our longing for belonging and energise us. Still, these relationships can also be draining and result in estrangement or a sense that we don’t belong. Our sense of belonging ebbs and flows, and belongings can often be in transition. Consider a continuum of belonging: beginning, emerging, expanding, strengthening, maintaining, declining, and maybe ending. The sense of belonging may be temporary or may be everlasting. Consider your sense of belonging in the areas described above. Where are you on this continuum? What conscious actions do you need to take to strengthen your sense of belonging or to let go of a sense of belonging that no longer serves you? To what extent are you satisfied with your sense of belonging? Where might you take a stand, maybe even standing alone or consciously choosing against belonging?
Five ways to satisfy our longing for belonging:
Being Comfortable With Ourselves
Replacing negative thoughts and limiting beliefs with a sense of self-worth and a belief that we are doing our best creates a feeling of well-being.
Being in Community With Others
We are consciously choosing the people we want to be in community with, creating a more profound sense of belonging with others, appreciating our interconnectedness, and cultivating a We-Space where we are fully present with each other with shared agreements and understandings, shared values and beliefs, and a shared sense of belonging.
Being Aware of Our Environments
Taking time to savour our beautiful world and actively participating in humanitarian causes we are passionate about.
Being Able to Let Go
We must recognise that the sense of belonging may be temporary or transitory, and we must be prepared to let go of the belongings that no longer serve us.
Being Conscious and Awake
We are consciously inviting into our lives the thoughts, people, and places we desire to belong with and staying awake to the emerging sense of belonging.
I am grateful for the sense of belonging explored in recent Conversation Circles, where we have engaged in dialogue about this longing for belonging. The feeling of belonging is very personal, and we all experience it differently. Diversity, equity, and inclusion initiatives are often aimed at encouraging those who already belong, including those who feel excluded or do not belong; the call to action of this article is to take personal responsibility for our sense of belonging.
Cultivate the sense of belonging that brings fulfilment into your life. Appreciate the longing for belonging and cherish the sense of belonging that is emerging and strengthening in you. A sense of belonging is so much more fulfilling than loneliness and isolation. Engage in meaningful conversations with people you belong with and keep your consciousness alive. Embrace your longing for belonging every day.
