Have you ever looked back on something that happened years ago and found you see it quite differently now? A job you were devastated to lose turned out to be the push you needed. Someone you once looked up to no longer seems so impressive. The event or the person hasn’t changed. What has changed is how you see them.
For most of my life, I assumed I saw the world as it was. It took me a long time to realise I was only ever seeing my own version of it. Our perceptions shape what we believe, how we feel, the choices we make, and how we get on with other people. Learning to live from my Higher Self has shown me two things. I can change how I see things, and I can usually tell which part of me is doing the looking.
Beliefs and Perceptions Are Not the Same Thing
Beliefs are the things we have come to accept as true about ourselves and the world. Most of them were in place before we were old enough to question them, picked up from our families, schools and the people around us. Our perception is how we interpret what we experience, often shaped by those beliefs.
I left school when I was 16. Higher education was just not part of my world. Even though teachers told me I needed to aim higher and that I was wasting my talent, I took no notice. I thought they were saying what they felt they had to say. I did not believe their words. Even though I was achieving good marks at school, my beliefs about my prospects did not translate into ambition or academic achievement. The belief that higher education wasn’t for me coloured everything they said.
Why Two People Can See the Same Event So Differently
Even members of the same family perceive things differently. One member can have fond memories of traditions like Christmas, while for another that time was a source of acute anxiety. Both were in the same place with the same people, but their beliefs, past experiences and expectations created a wholly different experience of that event. Each noticed different things.
Politics is the most obvious place to see this. My brother and I, brought up in the same family with only a year’s difference in our ages, hold opposite views on politics. We agree to disagree, but, astonishingly, we can see the facts of what is happening in the world and within politics so differently. Of course, we could, if it were ever productive, argue our own cases with facts and information that support the way we see things. Each of us would find the evidence for what we already believe and pass over the rest. Feeling certain doesn’t mean we’ve seen the whole picture.
Separate What Happened from What It Means
I once worked with a woman who had been made redundant out of the blue. She was extremely upset and felt the company hadn’t been honest about the reasons for her redundancy. Her interpretation of what had happened left her confidence in a steep decline. She told me she had lost her mojo. Things began to change when we separated the facts from the story. The company had been restructured, and her role was no longer needed. This had nothing to do with her personally. When we looked at the process, it was fair and compliant with the law. The company really didn’t have any options other than to make her redundant. But the story in her head was that she wasn’t good enough. Once she could really see the facts, she realised the decision was in no way a judgement on her ability. Her confidence began to return.
We often make up stories in our heads when we lack the facts. A friend can’t make a meeting. We aren’t invited to an event when others we know have been. We see a slight or an omission and interpret it as a comment on our worth. I sent a message to a friend and didn’t get a reply. When I did get a reply, it was low-key. I thought she was being dismissive, but later discovered she had misread my message. We laughed about it once the miscommunication was cleared up. Often, there’s a simple explanation we haven’t considered. What happened and what we’ve decided it means are rarely the same.
Expecting Life to Stay the Same
Our perceptions tend to remain fixed while life keeps moving. Circumstances shift, our bodies age, and relationships change. When I was younger, I had firm ideas about what success and happiness should look like. Divorce, raising three children on my own, and losing my home changed most of those ideas. Those losses also taught me to value what I had always taken for granted.
We can become uncomfortable, even upset, when things change. But life is transient; nothing lasts forever. Expecting things to stay as they are can create a perception that the world is scary and unpredictable. When we accept that life will change and that change is part of life, it helps us enjoy what is good now, but with a looser grip. We can also trust that difficult times will pass.
Learning to Watch Your Own Mind
For years, I was so caught up in how I felt that I rarely paused to question how I was interpreting a situation. It was like sitting in the cinema, completely absorbed in the film, feeling every twist as if it were happening to me, and forgetting I was watching a story on a screen.
Living from your Higher Self lets you step back and observe your thoughts and perspective, rather than being swept along by them. When an upsetting thought arises, you can pause and ask whether you’re responding to what is in front of you or to an old belief. This isn’t about pushing feelings down. It gives you a little space between what happens and how you respond, so you can look at what is really going on before you act.
The Ego Thought System or the Higher Self?
Whenever I felt badly treated or unfairly judged, part of me would become angry and defensive. I’d replay what had been said, wanting to hit back or cut the person off. A quieter part of me would ask whether I’d jumped to conclusions or missed something. Usually, the anger would fade, and I’d forgive.
Because I didn’t understand what was going on, I went round in circles. I took offence, cut people off, then forgave them without setting any boundaries, and the same thing happened again. Eventually I realised I was swinging between two ways of seeing. The ego thought system reads the world through fear, defensiveness and the need to be right. The Higher Self sees the same situation with compassion and clarity. Once I realised I could choose between these ways of seeing, my perception began to change.
Choosing the Higher Self taught me that forgiving someone doesn’t mean putting up with harmful behaviour. I can forgive and still set a boundary, and the compassion includes me.
What Changing Your Perception Doesn’t Mean
Changing how you see things doesn’t mean pretending that hard things haven’t happened, forcing yourself to be positive, or excusing other people’s behaviour. Injustice, grief and hardship are real. What a different perspective can do is stop us from adding to the pain with the harsh stories we tell ourselves about them. Some misunderstandings clear up as soon as we have more information. Beliefs we’ve held for years take longer and need us to keep looking again.
When It Helps to Look Again
It isn’t always obvious when our perception needs a second look. Still, there are some signs: when our reaction feels out of proportion to what happened, when the same kind of falling-out keeps recurring with different people, when we’ve concluded our own worth from something someone else did. When we feel completely certain we’re right. None of these means we’ve got it wrong, but they are good moments to pause and ask what we know.
I am acutely aware when the ego thought system is making up stories, which prompts me to question my perceptions. Understanding that your initial perception may not be accurate doesn’t mean you have to keep guessing to find a story that seems to fit. Sometimes it is powerful to conclude that we don’t know simply. Most of the time, if we’re honest with ourselves, we really don’t know.
We can’t always change what happens to us. But we do have a choice about how we see it, and with practice, that choice changes how we feel and what we do next.
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