Taking a cold hard look
The hardest challenge for any leader is bravely choosing self awareness. This means taking a cold hard look at, their values, behaviours, thoughts and actions. It’s easy to ask others to change. It can be exciting to build something new. It can be thrilling to see a community come together. But what all of these scenarios overlook is that they are all external changes. No one is forced to confront themselves in the light of day.
When one is obligated to examine the tension between who they are and who they want to be three things can happen:
1. Doing nothing
Doing nothing in the face of an opportunity of bravely choosing self awareness, may mean that the leader lacks sufficient self-awareness to identify the moment. It can also mean that the leader doesn’t see any need to evaluate the tension.
2. Turning away from the moment
Turning away from the moment is another option. Some things are too difficult, painful or draining to confront. They could be reviewed at another time but not yet. For the time being, the leader has chosen to ignore the friction.
3. Bravely choosing self awareness
The third option and the most difficult is bravely choosing self awareness. Asking yourself questions like, “what is causing internal conflict?” It’s not easy to challenge your own values, sense of self and identity. It takes courage to undergo a process of self-evaluation. Doubt will seep into your thoughts. It’s painful to realise that what you thought was true isn’t correct. It can be gut-wrenching to come to the understanding your perceptions were inaccurate, flawed or even false. Those who chose to go through the process or even those who have it imposed on them, emerge stronger self-leaders and by extension better leaders.
Steps to help when bravely choosing self awareness
Here are some steps to take to make it a habit to check in with yourself, to challenge your assumptions and to take a cold hard look at yourself:
- Intentionally seek out credible sources of information with whom you disagree
- Listen attentively
- Listen for the substance of the argument and not for the counter-argument
- Wrestle with the ideas and ask why you (dis)agree with them
- Make it a habit to occasionally do different things, to meet different people
- When you feel uncomfortable, remain with the discomfort. Use it as a cue to ask yourself why you’re not at ease. Using friction as a guide, explore what makes you tense and why. Always seek the why.
Choosing self awareness isn’t always pleasant. A leader’s journey isn’t always flowers and rainbows. By being honest with yourself, you’re also giving yourself opportunities to explore, empower and grow. And ultimately you’re being your own leader by doing for yourself what you would readily do without blinking an eye for another.
Renée helps business get unstuck. Through business relationship mapping, conflict resolution and leadership development, Renée helps entrepreneurs and businesses understand their ecosystems, identify underutilised resources and opportunities to engage.
Renée works at both ends of the spectrum: from the fun stuff of building excellent teams to dealing with low morale. She helps managers take workplace bullies by the horns, address long standing conflicts, all of the frustrating stuff to harnessing the energy in a conflict to collaborate, innovate, and build better businesses.
Renée is a speaker, trainer, coach and consultant.