3 Non Verbal Habits of Inspiring People
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Non verbal habits play a key role in starting and building relationships based on trust, competence and appropriate emotions. Here are three habits that I observed in the behaviour of the most inspiring people I met as a leadership coach.
When I bluntly advise participants to my leadership sessions to give a smile and a look at every person they say ” hello” or  “goodbye”  to, some of them shrug and say  “Hey, I didn’t know I was attending a checkout assistant training !”. Some others raise an eyebrow wondering if I actually questioned their education standards. Alright, ladies and gents! Let’s go out in the streets and observe. Look at this executive-looking man paying for his sandwich while texting; see this mother helping her child get dressed while talking on the phone; look at this couple enjoying a romantic dinner… just separated by a laptop screen!
When was the last time their eyes crossed another person? None of the above looks like you.  Fine! Oh and by the way, do you know what you look like when you are thinking of something that makes you anxious?  Do this simple exercise: in front of a mirror, close your eyes and think of something really stressful.  Reopen your eyes after one minute. How inspiring do you find the face you’ve just seen?
The way we feel about people is lastingly influenced by our first impression: studies have even demonstrated that our initial judgement on teachers is not likely to have altered after having listened to them for a whole semester. The good news is we make another first impression every time we meet others.  Give yourself a chance to make an everyday good impression by adopting this simple routine: Look at people and smile:  Briefly, intentionally, and consistently. It won’t take long before these people will think you care for them and therefore, that you might be worth attention.
One of my favourite coaching questions is «In your industry, what does professionalism look like ? “.  Here are the most helpful answers I experienced.
How you dress: Recently, a highly graduated economy teacher complained to me that he was receiving lower appreciation from his students than his much less graduated colleague. The former was dressed like his students; the latter was like the school’s principal.
The more you want to display professional credibility or authority, the more help you need from how you dress. Police officers, judges, sports referees or clergymen have professional dress showing the role society delegates to them. Professional dress code is less compulsory in most sectors but the unwritten rule is the same everywhere: dress like those you want to be associated with and you will be respected as such.
Strategic use of distance, posture and gesture: a recent study has shown that the best-performing teachers display a four-step non verbal habits strategy when they want to regain control of a disrupted class.
This strategy of non verbal habits implies distance management, asymmetric postures, eye contact and the use of indicative gestures is useful in any situation of authority.
Inspiring people implies authenticity, that is showing the right emotion at the right time. Even if sometimes stress, fear and many unwanted emotions get in the way. Amy Cuddy, from Harvard, found that adopting high-power postures before a high stake interaction modified peoples’ hormones and emotions. Helping them perform well during the interaction itself.
The most inspiring people I met showed a great deal of warmth and credibility and very little stress. Building on Amy Cuddy’s findings and on my personal experience, here are three tips that will help you express the emotions you need when you need them :
Your body shows your emotions; reciprocally, it can help you reach the state of mind you need in order to display inspiring behaviour.
Cécile Guinnebault is a leadership coach, keynote speaker and author of « Et si je faisais bonne impression ! Communication non-verbale mode d’emploi », Eyrolles 2014.