What Woman Want To Thrive In Business

In a previous post, I highlighted the main, and generalized, differences and strengths between men and women in the workplace. This post aims to zoom into what women want to thrive in business from a woman’s perspective.  Although written from a female perspective, many of the items also relate to men.

Yin or yang?

Whether you consciously realize it or not, there is currently very little place for femininity in the workplace. Although no one is to blame for this other than our ancestors who created the structures with good intent, we haven’t adapted business to include femininity.

Females have to behave like men in order to succeed in the workplace. The business world as we know it was designed ages ago by men for men. This system has become so ingrained that most people – both men and women – don’t realize how damaging it can be for females and femininity, in general, to succeed in the workplace.

Viewed from a more holistic perspective, in the average business environment the emphasis is on addressing masculine needs.  It forms a rather lopsided yin-yang structure. Business structures ignore and neglect feminine needs to a large degree.

The only way to change this unbalanced structure is to name it. This post thus might trigger you, and I ask that you read it with an open, curious mind attempting to understand where a lot of the current-day challenges come from that stop both men and women from thriving in business.

What women don’t want

But first, let’s look at some of the things most men find natural and even enjoyable that women don’t want.  Here are the most important items.

We don’t want to have to fight or force our way

Men, in general, feel powerful when they fight to protect what is theirs. They even enjoy a good conflict, being able to walk away the winner.

Women, while most appreciate this characteristic in a man, don’t want to fight to be taken seriously or heard. The most basic feminine quality is that of being soft. When we have to fight or force our way, we have to abandon a foundational need in order to be seen as equal or even just valid.

Women don’t want to have to push back, fight, or force in any way. We want to be soft, leaving fighting for those very exceptional occasions when we have to protect our boundaries. When we have to fight we have to be hard, betraying ourselves. It can’t be the rule, it has to be an exception.

We don’t want to suppress our emotions

Men, on average, find it much easier than women to put their emotions aside and think logically, regardless of how they feel. This is an excellent trait, and allows men to push through hard times, resulting in their success.

Women, however, are emotional beings. Our softness comes from our connection to our heart. When we are asked to only focus on logic we are asked to disconnect our mind from our hearts. Essentially, we are asked to be something other than who we are.

We want to be loved and accepted with our emotions. Only when we are asked to continuously suppress our emotions are we likely to be overly emotional.  When we have a healthy outlet to process our emotions, we won’t need to get overly emotional to be heard.

We don’t want to choose between parenthood and career success

Probably the biggest cause of distress for many women is having to choose between either being in the traditional gender role of stay-at-home mom or being a more modern female that is successful in business.

Women don’t want to be the one or the other. We want both, or at least the option to choose. We want to be taken seriously and seen as excellent at what we do, whatever that may be. And we also want to honor our femininity to nurture and care for a child, with the support required to enable us to have both.

Essentially, we want to have a choice in our life path. We want to feel free to be one or the other, or maybe a combination of both.  We don’t want to be put into a box to be just one thing.

What women want

Understanding better what we, as women, don’t want to struggle with, here are the key things most women do want.

We want to be led

For most of my career, I was put in leadership positions where I had to make the decisions and take all the responsibility. I didn’t really think this is not feminine until I experienced what it feels like to have a strong masculine leader in this role. Protecting and allowing me to create the outcomes he needed to succeed, we both thrived.

For the first time in my life, I could relax and focus on the creation of something excellent without needing to lead or fend my boundaries to stay safe. He too felt more powerful and successful, able to demonstrate his masculine traits most naturally to him.

Women want to create. Whether it is creating structure in an administrative function, a designer creating products and services, or creating beautifully presented food or homes, we thrive when we’re given an outcome and direction and left to do what we do best. Create.

We want someone to tell us which direction to go and protect us while we give birth and nurture our creation until it can stand on its own. We don’t want to be told what to do or micro-managed, rather, we want to be guided to a destination we support and also want.

Being led is like being asked to go on a trip to a specific destination.  Being told what to do is working out the itinerary in so much detail that there’s no space to explore different locations on the way or make any choices.  We want men to invite us to a destination and even suggest some of the must-see attractions, but the choice should always be left to the individual.

We need someone to talk to

From research, the most important finding on what stops females and minorities from stepping into leadership positions is that they lack support and allies.

Most people are familiar with the fight-or-flight response when faced with danger. Few, however, know that this research was conducted on men only. When a similar study with female subjects was conducted, researchers found a startling difference. Women’s natural response was described as to talk and tend, not fight or flee.

Women need someone to talk to in order to thrive. We need a supportive community of allies where we can express and process our emotions.

We need time for reflection

Another key difference between the current organizational structure design and feminine needs relates to the natural cycle of women compared to men.

It’s rather like the sun and the moon. The sun, as a symbol of masculinity, is constant and stable and shines brightly throughout the day, every day. While the moon, as a symbol of femininity, ebbs and flows.  It shines bright when it’s full and disappears when it’s new.

Women need time for introspection and reflection. We need more flexibility in our daily structure in order to be productive and creative.  Our natural cycles don’t allow us to feel the same each day of the month.  Physically and emotionally. We are expected to ignore our natural cycles to fit into the business world.

We want to be asked

Arguably the most important difference between masculinity and femininity, however, is that women want to be asked while men like to be told. Many men think they will be seen as weak when they ask a woman what she wants. And yes, this can be seen as weak when asking for a lack of self-confidence.

It is, however, extremely masculine and attractive when a man asks a woman what she wants and needs. It provides a sense of safety. We feel taken care of and appreciated.

Don’t expect us to come and demand a pay rise or promotion. Don’t wait for us to tell you what we need or want. We want to be asked.

What does a more Supportive workplace look like?

The structure will look different to different people and cultures. The following list is generalized to include most workplaces. The key, however, is to ask the females in your business what they need and want in order to be more productive.

Here, however, is a good list to start with.

Outcome rather than time-based outputs

To allow for the feminine ebb-and-flow, rewards are based on outcomes and goals rather than contractual time-based commitments.

Rather than expecting women to be at work for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, tell them the outcome you wish to achieve and by when. Practically, this means either project-based or value-based billing contracts compared to a full-time role where people are paid for their time, regardless of what they do.

One of the main reasons why companies want full-time employees is related to exclusive commitment. They believe if they keep the person busy full time they will stay loyal. But what if you can get more commitment when you give more freedom to choose?

Women will most likely be more productive and more loyal when they’re free to manage their own time.  After all, inspiration is something that is at its best in stillness.

Provide in-house coaching services

When you include access to coaching you provide a safe container where women can feel supported.  It’s a structure to allow them to talk and tend.

The benefits of providing in-house coaching services reach far above and beyond catering to feminine needs. You will see the benefits in your balance sheet each month and the customer satisfaction ratings, amongst other benefits.

According to research from a number of different organizations, the return on investment from coaching is, on average, 7 times the initial investment. Performance is as much as 78% higher and the retention rate also increases to 85%.

Acknowledge their value

Women, on average, are paid less than men for doing the same work, partly because they lack the confidence of the average male, and partly because they don’t want to ask for an increase or have to fight.  Rather than waiting for them to ask for an increase or promotion, consider acknowledging their value proactively.

Different people feel valued in different ways. This may look like giving a value-based monetary bonus. It may be public recognition to tell others how they made a positive contribution to the outcomes you achieved as a business. You can ask them to own or contribute to a project you know they support and love, or ask them to teach others. You can even give them the choice of a more flexible schedule as a reward.  The possibilities are endless.

All you have to do is ask.

Design for feedback

Although feedback is crucial to any business, regardless of gender, receiving feedback is even more important for women.  Women thrive on feedback and discussion.  We like to talk and tend and the best way to do this is when we get adequate and regular feedback.

Many businesses, however, are designed to protect functional units from feedback.  In small organizations this is not such a big problem, but the larger the organization, the fewer feedback loops there are.

Women want to be asked. They want to talk and tend.  Design to have the means to provide meaningful feedback throughout the system.

Conclusion

Women need different things in order to thrive in business. A healthy, inclusive organization balance male and female needs, regardless of gender. In order to be more inclusive, consider changing how you contract, add access to coaching, and acknowledge their value.

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