Where a culture of trust is the foundation of a successful company, as addressed in my previous post, a culture of respect can be viewed as the walls protecting you and your team from the harsh elements, keeping your employees and customers loyal, supportive and productive.

Respect is the glue that holds strong, lasting relationships together. It’s an ingredient to grow self-worth and confidence in your employees. Confident employees, in turn, are proactive and innovative, actively participating in growing the company and, therefore, also your profits.  Respect is what empowers people and breeds a culture of continuous improvement.  And the culture of continuous improvement promises longevity and success, something that every company aspires to.

The essence of the Merriam-Webster definition of respect is that when you respect someone, you view them as necessary. It has nothing to do with your role in the organisation. Instead, it reflects how important or valuable you view the people you interact with. Whether you are interacting with a peer, a superior, or a customer, your behaviour tells them how valuable you view them.  The more valuable they feel, the more likely they will be to help you succeed.

How can you display the value of respect when interacting with others?

1. Be present

The greatest gift you can give someone is giving them your full attention. Your uninterrupted presence reflects that nothing is more important than them right now. That is the strongest form of respect.

When someone wants to speak to you, put down anything that can distract you and make eye contact throughout the conversation. Focus only on the person in front of you and what they have to say.

You will develop mutual respect, and by not needing to revisit previously discussed topics, you will find yourself being more productive.

2. Listen to find the reason behind the words

I used to get frustrated with people constantly complaining about seemingly unimportant and often what I considered to be irrelevant things.  Then one day I realised that I was the one at fault for not listening.

Like that annoying little voice in the back of your head that won’t keep quiet, the more you ignore it, the louder it gets. It only keeps silent when you finally surrender and give it the attention it needs. Always telling you something really important that could have saved a lot of frustration and effort.

I came to realize that it is only complaining if you don’t listen to the underlying issue.

Since I’ve never met anyone who hasn’t shared something relevant and valuable with me, it sometimes means I’ve to go back and think about it. Still, I’ve never found a repeated message, especially if it comes from different sources, to be unimportant.  It has always been a valuable puzzle piece that I was looking for.

Listening to someone makes them feel important, as if what they say matters. It means they are contributing to the company and that their contribution is valuable. It means that they have a purpose, and everyone needs a purpose.

Make a point of listening to the people around you and try to find the reason behind their words. The more emotion is evoked by the conversation, the more critical it is to listen carefully.

3. Be thoughtfully thankful

There is immense power in the word “thank you”. An authentic “thank you” is like a magnet that attracts respect.

Make a habit of acknowledging people’s efforts without overusing them or diluting the value of the words.  Instead of focusing on what is wrong or can be improved, look at what is going right and express gratitude. Take a moment at the start of the meeting to thank the attendees for their presence. Thank the person who gets up and closes the door when everyone else sits waiting for someone else to do it.  Thank people when they switch off their phones while you’re speaking.

Reward the behaviors you want to see rather than punishing unwanted behaviors.

When saying thank you, avoid a generic overuse of the words. Be specific about what you are thankful for, acknowledge the effort that went into it, and explicitly state how it made a difference in your life. It is valuable feedback for the recipient and will ensure that you don’t lose authenticity by overusing the word.

4. React and respond

Not responding to someone is probably one of the most disrespectful things you can do. You might not intentionally ignore someone, but by not responding, you are sending a message that they are not important.

To earn someone’s respect, you need to reciprocate their effort to engage with you. It only takes a few seconds to hit the reply button and respond with a one-line acknowledgement, even if it’s just to let the sender know you can’t respond now.

Make a point to respond when people interact with you, even when you feel overwhelmed or are busy. When you receive a lot of information at a meeting that you can’t digest immediately, say that you will need time to think it over, rather than keeping them wondering whether you heard or even care what was said. Or when you don’t know how to respond or what to say, and honestly admit it.  “I don’t know what to say”. You won’t look weak; you will look human, and the people you will feel more empowered and compassionate.  It’s not your job as a leader to know all the answers; instead, it’s to understand how to find them, and sometimes that means asking someone else.

Reacting and responding means you value the other person’s opinion, which in turn builds respect.

5. Treasure time

Time is one of the most valuable commodities of our time. We sell our time each workday and cherish the time we spend with people we regard as special. Wasting someone’s time is thus one of the worst forms of disrespect.

Don’t make someone wait, and always be on time for meetings and appointments. Ensure that you include a clear meeting objective when scheduling the meeting and only invite individuals who can contribute to the discussion.  It shows respect if it is clear that you’ve put thought into what needs to be discussed and who should be involved, with the added benefit of a more productive meeting.

More is the opposite of better when it comes to meetings.

Limit meetings to the minimum amount of time when it becomes clear that people are unprepared or lack sufficient information to continue productively, cancel and reschedule rather than wasting time.

Finally, refrain from interrupting people unnecessarily when it is clear that they are in the midst of something.  Ensure that what you are about to say adds value to both parties, and wait for an opportunity that won’t disrupt the person’s thinking or activity.

Conclusion

Respect means valuing the other person and considering them important. Respecting someone can be as simple as being present and listening to what they have to say, being on time for meetings, and expressing gratitude with a simple ‘thank you’.

You will notice that a show of respect does not always mean saying yes. Saying yes when you mean no is far from being respectful and causes resentment.  Strong relationships are built on trust,  respect, and honesty.

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With more than 20 years experience in the software development industry, Kate specializes in helping teams get unstuck, communicate better and ultimately be more productive. She believes in efficiency through fun implementing lean, agile and playful design as tools for process improvement and organizational change. Her goal is to create more happy, healthy and whole workplaces where each person thrives and productivity soars.

www.funficient.com