What If Things Were Ok?

Two nights ago, I went swimming.  It was an activity I had been looking forward to all day.  I usually go pretty late because it tends to be more peaceful.  As I swim, I can ruminate and contemplate.  Tired and tense for the first ten lengths or so. Instead of relaxing, I found my mind worrying about several pieces of work I still had to complete. The anticipated peaceful, relaxing swim was eluding me. At this point, I began to think about the “what if” coaching technique.

The “What If” Framework

As I continued, I remembered a technique I frequently use with clients.  It is the “What if” frame.  It’s a well-known Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) technique. It is used to help people tap into their imagination and explore situations they otherwise might consider impossible.   It is usually used to break down limiting beliefs.  For example, a friend of mine loves his sales job. But confessed once he sometimes felt frustrated because never seemed to earn more than £50k annually.  He had never exceeded this figure. He was convinced it wouldn’t get any better.  When I asked why he thought that was, he explained he didn’t know the number of customers available to exceed that limit.

I recognized his frustration because he had hit a limiting belief.  I asked, “What if you could find ways to exceed 50k earnings?”  What would you have done differently, and what else could you do?  He furrowed his brow and started thinking.  This technique lifts a person over the “I can’t” barrier and helps open up possibilities to incorporate ideas and suggestions to achieve a different outcome.

Using Imagination

Asking “what if” can be a powerful way to get your creative juices flowing.  So when my daughter’s friend was planning her wedding, she floundered about the kind of venue she wanted, the colour of the bridesmaid’s dresses, etc.   So I asked her, “What if you had the wedding of your dreams? What would the surroundings look like?”  This and questions like it helped her describe her highest desires.  From there, she could begin to imagine and thus explain what would work for her.

Creating Anxiety

When swimming two nights ago, I didn’t need to use my imagination or break down my limiting beliefs.  On the contrary, my imagination was working overtime, and my lack of limiting beliefs (I know only too well the possibilities open) overwhelmed me and made me feel stressed.  So when the “ What if ” came to my mind, it was in a different context again.  As I swam, I recalled the final way I used “What if” exercises with clients, which helped them get in touch with their feelings—used in this way, asking “what if ” is used to switch feelings.  If you are feeling low because you are scared something isn’t going to happen or things haven’t worked out in the first place, the state you are creating can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

For example, you’ve applied for a job but didn’t get through the last job interview, and your confidence took a dent.  Your anxiety about failing and the pressure you feel to be successful this time around intensifies.   You worry about it for days beforehand, and by the time you get in front of the interview panel, you are so nervous that they can’t help but wonder if you are up to the job because you have been wringing your hands, and stammered your way all through the interview, simply because your anxiety took over.

Switching Emotions

If, before the interview, you had asked yourself the question, “What if I were successful at getting this job?”  You imagine what it would feel like and get in touch with the joy, excitement, gratitude and enthusiasm you would experience.  If you took that experience/state into the interview room, your interviewers would also have a different understanding of interviewing you.

Ten minutes into my swimming session, I asked myself.  “What if everything was ok?”  I immediately stopped worrying, the knots in my back relaxed, and suddenly my state felt peaceful.  As I swam on, I realized the worst thing I could do was not take my advice.  What would almost certainly be the most stressful hour of battling against feeling overwhelmed and anxious, completely switched?  I realized if everything was ok, I could enjoy this hour, unwind, and relax.   So I transformed the next fifty minutes.

Why not transform your next hour and imagine, “What if everything was ok?”

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I help leaders develop self- mastery, helping them to become confident in their own inner guidance.

I collaborate with leadership experts, managers and HR professionals to help them get their own message and unique services and products to a wide audience.

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