March 8 is International Women’s Day. Here in my country, the United States, March is National Women’s History Month. As women across the country and around the world celebrate ourselves and one another, I want us all to take a moment to step back. We frequently discuss how men treat us. We’ve discussed how we treat men. What about how women mistreat other women at work?
We have a hard enough time as it is making a place for ourselves at the corporate table. Yet our fellow women are often the toughest barriers to getting there. Why is this? There are many reasons, and they all need to stop.
Jealousy
First and foremost, women who “make it in a man’s world” typically feel like they are getting the only seat available. I know. I’ve been there. I’ve been the only woman in a sports newsroom, the only woman in a room full of history majors. We become territorial not only of our seat at the table but of our comrades.
Yet we have no reason to be jealous of our fellow women. Some of us may be jealous of the new middle manager because she looks like a runway model and is quick to laugh. We could also be jealous of her because she’s damn good at her job.
Regardless of the reason for the jealousy, it’s unwarranted, since we are all unique. No one else is bringing the same set of skills or experiences to the table. Alibaba’s Jack Ma recruits women for his organisation’s leadership positions because of the diversity of their experiences, calling them the “secret sauce” of the business’s success.
While this is just one example among many, it’s proof that organisations do make room for more than one of us at the proverbial table. There’s no need to elbow our fellow women out of a chair.
Age
Yes, our ages play a large role in how we treat or mistreat each other. I have been on the receiving end, and admittedly, the giving end of ageism, especially reverse ageism. This factor plays a significant role when the younger person is a manager.
Certainly, traditional ageism can be a factor in how we treat each other, but we tend to bully or mistreat our younger female co-workers more. Why? A lack of experience, whether perceived or legitimate, is often the answer. In my previous organisation, I saw a group of middle-aged administrative personnel, all women, bully a much younger manager.
This manager, who was my manager but also my junior in age, had no college education compared to the multiple bachelor’s degrees and even master’s degrees held by some of us. She was, however, highly organised and highly motivated. When she first started managing our team, she was, at the very least, showing me that she didn’t need a college education to be successful.
When this lack of experience started to become glaringly clear, the mature turned on the reverse ageism. The whispers, closed-door meetings, and backstabbing began. I had been this young woman’s champion for too long without reciprocation; therefore, I stayed neutral and then found myself a new job.
Try a Little Empathy Instead
While there are so many related reasons we women mistreat and bully each other in the workplace, the gist of it is that we have to stop. We already have a hard enough time getting fair wages. Additionally, we shouldn’t have to compete with one another for jobs or leadership positions.
We sometimes forget to put ourselves in each other’s shoes from time to time. Empathy is one of the many traits that contribute to the success of managers and leaders. As Ma pointed out when discussing his “secret sauce,” women are more naturally adept at thinking outside of themselves.
When we get a little taste of power, I think many of us sometimes forget that. It’s time to remember that her fight is your fight is my fight, ladies. Let’s not fight with each other but for each other.
Improving relationships between women in the workplace can create a more supportive, collaborative, and empowering environment. Here are some practical steps both individuals and organisations can take:
Improvements From A Woman’s Perspective
Mentorship and Sponsorship
- Mentorship: Actively seek and offer mentorship. Sharing experiences and advice can build trust and understanding.
- Sponsorship: Advocate for other women by sponsoring them for promotions, projects, or opportunities.
Networking
- Internal Networks: Participate in or create women’s networks within the organisation. These can provide support and foster connections.
- External Networks: Join professional groups or associations outside the organisation to expand your network and bring new perspectives into the workplace.
Communication and Empathy
- Open Dialogue: Encourage open and honest communication. Discuss challenges and successes to learn from each other.
- Active Listening: Practice active listening to understand others’ perspectives and build empathy.
Collaboration over Competition
- Team Projects: Collaborate on projects rather than competing. Celebrate collective achievements.
- Knowledge Sharing: Share knowledge and resources. Helping others succeed can foster a positive environment.
Positive Reinforcement
- Recognition: Acknowledge and celebrate the accomplishments of other women. Public recognition can boost morale and encourage a supportive atmosphere.
- Constructive Feedback: Provide constructive feedback in a way that is supportive and aimed at helping the individual grow.
Boundary Setting
- Respect Boundaries: Respect others’ work-life balance and personal boundaries. This can reduce stress and improve relationships.
- Assertiveness: Be assertive in respectfully communicating your boundaries.
Improvements From An Organisational Perspective
Inclusive Policies and Practices
- Equal Opportunities: Ensure that policies support equal opportunities for career advancement, training, and development.
- Diversity and Inclusion Programs: Implement programs that promote diversity and inclusion, with a focus on gender equality and the elimination of biases.
Mentorship Programs
- Formal Programs: Develop formal mentorship programs that pair experienced female employees with those who are less experienced.
- Reverse Mentorship: Encourage reverse mentorship, where younger employees mentor senior staff on new trends, technologies, and perspectives.
Training and Development
- Soft Skills Training: Offer training in essential soft skills, including communication, leadership, and conflict resolution.
- Unconscious Bias Training: Offer training to address unconscious biases and promote an inclusive culture.
Supportive Networks
- Employee Resource Groups (ERGs): Support and fund ERGs or affinity groups focused on women’s issues.
- Networking Events: Organise networking events, workshops, and seminars that focus on professional development for women.
Flexible Work Arrangements
- Work-Life Balance: Implement policies that promote work-life balance, including flexible work hours, remote work options, and parental leave.
- Well-being Programs: Implement programs that address mental health and well-being, recognising the unique challenges women might face.
Leadership and Representation
- Diverse Leadership: Strive for diverse representation in leadership roles to provide role models and mentors for other women.
- Transparent Promotion Criteria: Ensure that promotion criteria are transparent and merit-based to minimise biases.
By taking these steps, both women and organisations can work towards creating a more supportive, equitable, and collaborative workplace.
