Overview
Building trust in relationships with you is the foundation of wellbeing and connection. This article examines the neuroscience of trust, the pain associated with broken trust, and how self-trust influences every interaction. Discover 10 practical ways to strengthen both self-trust and relational trust to create healthier, lasting connections.
Introduction
Trust is the invisible thread that holds relationships, friendships, and communities together. It fosters collaboration, creativity, and resilience in every part of life. Yet trust is not only about others; it begins with yourself. The ability to trust is deeply connected to how much confidence you have in your own ability to handle whatever arises.
In truth, you can only trust a handful of people fully. Not because people are unworthy, but because most of us naturally act in our own interests, even when we believe we’re aiming for a win/win. Trusting wisely means recognising this reality while still staying open to connection.
Why Building Trust in Relationships and You Matters
Trust shapes the quality of our relationships, our wellbeing, and even our sense of safety in the world. Neuroscience reveals that trust has a direct impact on our brain chemistry, influencing how secure or anxious we feel. Without it, relationships can feel fragile and uncertain.
But here’s the truth: you trust others to the extent that you trust yourself to deal with their behaviour. When you strengthen self-trust, your ability to trust others expands.
Trusting Others Begins with Trusting Yourself
Self-trust is the foundation of all trust. If you believe you can set boundaries, respond thoughtfully, and recover from challenges, it’s easier to trust others, even when uncertainty is involved.
If you lack self-trust, every relationship feels more dangerous because you rely on others behaving perfectly to feel safe. Building trust in relationships begins by cultivating the confidence that you can cope with whatever life throws your way.
The Neuroscience of Trust
Trust is more than a feeling; it’s a biological process. When trust is present, oxytocin, the trust hormone, is released, creating feelings of bonding and safety.
When trust is broken, cortisol, the stress hormone, spikes, leading to anxiety, defensiveness, and withdrawal, this explains why trust shapes not only our relationships but also our physical and emotional wellbeing.
Building trust in relationships means paying attention to how trust impacts both your brain and body.
The Gut-Wrenching Impact of Broken Trust
When trust is betrayed, the brain responds as though under threat. The amygdala, our fear centre, activates, triggering gut-level reactions such as nausea, a racing heart, or a sinking feeling.
This is especially true when the betrayal feels like a violation of integrity or character. It’s not just disappointment; it’s a deep-seated sense of emotional peril. That’s why breaches of trust often leave lasting scars if not repaired.
Personal Experience: Idealism and Trust
Many people who value integrity and unity hold others, and themselves, to high standards. But when expectations are too high, trust fractures more easily.
I once experienced this in a workplace situation. A perceived act of disrespect left me feeling physically sick for days. The breach of trust wasn’t just emotional; it became a bodily reaction. Healing took time, but it showed me just how absolute and powerful trust is.
Reciprocal Trust: The Two-Way Exchange
Trust is reciprocal. When you show trust in someone, it often sparks a mirrored response in them. Neuroscience suggests that mirror neurons in the brain reflect the emotions and behaviours we witness.
This is why consistently showing honesty, reliability, and openness encourages others to respond in the same manner. Building trust in relationships and yourself requires both giving and receiving trust.
Repairing Broken Trust
Trust can be rebuilt, even after painful breaches. Thanks to the brain’s plasticity, positive new experiences can override negative associations over time.
Repair requires more than words; it demands consistency, responsibility, and empathy. By acknowledging the hurt, taking accountability, and demonstrating trustworthy actions repeatedly, relationships can emerge stronger than before.
10 Practical Ways to Build Trust in Relationships and Yourself
- Be authentic and vulnerable – Share your real self, including mistakes, instead of hiding behind perfection.
- Show trust in others – Give people responsibility and freedom instead of controlling every detail.
- Strengthen your self-trust – Keep promises to yourself and practise self-awareness daily.
- Adopt a growth mindset – See mistakes as opportunities for growth rather than failures.
- Communicate transparently – Be open and honest, even in difficult conversations.
- Follow through consistently – Reliability builds trust; inconsistency erodes it quickly.
- Repair trust breaches – Own mistakes, apologise sincerely, and back up words with action.
- Encourage feedback – Give and receive constructive feedback without defensiveness.
- Practise empathy – Listen deeply and seek to understand before responding.
- Stay consistent – Align your words and actions with your values over time.
Building Trust Is the Core of Connection
Trust is the foundation of every meaningful relationship. It creates safety, fosters connection, and allows people to grow together. But it always begins within.
When you develop self-trust, you don’t need guarantees from others; you know you can handle whatever happens. From that place, you can extend trust more freely, and in turn, invite trust back into your life.
