I have a love-hate relationship with goals. On the one hand, I find it difficult to accomplish anything without a clear objective. I always worry I’ll waste my valuable time and effort on something that is not productive. On the other hand, achieving those goals seems to be like chasing the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow – an impossible feat. This post will outline the lessons I learned in my pursuit of achieving my goals.
Be Relentless, Like Water
A key insight that summarizes the essence of achieving goals is outlined in a quote by one of the world’s most famous martial artists and movie stars, Bruce Lee.
“A goal is not always meant to be reached; it often serves simply as something to aim at.” – Bruce Lee
His dream started back in 1969 when he wrote down an audacious goal of becoming the first highest-paid Asian superstar in the United States and achieving world fame. A year later, however, he sustained a serious back injury and spent the majority of the year writing down his philosophy, unable to act or practice his art.
But he didn’t give up on his dreams after this setback. Nearly fifty years after his death, he remains one of the most well-known martial artists globally.
Undeniably a master in achieving goals, his advice for reaching goals?
Be like water
Water, according to Lee, “…is the softest substance in the world and seems weak, but in reality, it can penetrate the hardest substances.” Water doesn’t stop flowing when there is an obstacle. It is relentless, constantly advancing towards the goal, finding the path of least resistance to overcome obstacles.
Breaking Old Patterns To Achieve My Goals
Time and again, I have embarked on a vision quest at the start of each year, aiming to clarify my goals and working hard to achieve them. Yet, I often looked back at the end of a year, feeling I hadn’t accomplished anything. Miserable and disappointed, I would give up on my goals, only to find myself trying again and getting the same results. Again, and again, and again.
This year, however, feels different looking back. After so many attempts and setbacks, I can genuinely say I achieved multiple of my goals.
What changed this time?
A number of things, but here are the key elements that I believe enabled me to achieve the goals I set:
1. Focus on the Feeling, not the Thing
Probably the most important change to achieve my goals is that I stopped focusing only on a checklist of “things” to achieve. Instead, I dived deeper to figure out what I will get when I achieve a goal.
Getting paid to write was one of my goals. I love writing and have been writing for many years, but always for free as a passion project. After years of writing for free, I felt demotivated, though. It felt as if I was putting all this emotional and physical effort into producing posts, only to be scanned over, overlooked, or taken for granted.
So I stopped writing (which was really hard to do as it is something I love so much! ), vowing never to write again until I get paid for it. During this time of inactivity, I delved deeper into my motivation and why I wanted to get paid for writing.
After going inward, I realized that what I really want is to feel valued. I wanted the evidence that my writing is appreciated, valued, and possibly even needed. Getting paid for writing would be evidence that what I do is valued and valuable. Money was the quantifiable measure of how valuable my thoughts and insights were.
I adjusted my goal from getting paid to write to being valued for writing. I started looking for evidence of how people appreciated my writing and the impact it had. And that made all the difference.
2. Act And See Every Situation as an Opportunity
Months went by without any tangible results. Until, on an average day, when I decided to start writing for a customer I worked with. It wasn’t part of the mandate, and the business owner didn’t feel it ‘was needed. But I went ahead and did it anyway.
I didn’t have anything to lose. The worst-case scenario would be that the business owner would reject it. But he didn’t. Even though he didn’t say it in words, he could see the value and tangible benefits to him. He allowed me to write more. For the first time in my life I had the satisfaction of getting paid for writing. The greater satisfaction, however, came when a non-profit owner whom I wrote about responded to my post with heartfelt gratitude. That was the payment I was looking for.
I broke through a limiting belief and adjusted my goal to focus on the impact rather than the money. As a result, more paid writing opportunities came my way, allowing me to see my value increase. My goal became to get paid in order to write more rather than write to get paid.
The key lesson here was that I didn’t wait for permission. I started taking that first step regardless of the certainty of the outcome. So many people wait for conditions to be perfect before they get started. They miss opportunities that come their way, overlooked because it isn’t the perfect fit.
But life is never perfect
Achieving goals is rather like an exploration into the unknown. It is up to you to follow your heart and create a road where there is none. Action is key.
3. Clarify Your Goal
Being able to see an established road is easy. But forming a new road when you’re surrounded by what feels like chaos is hard. The only way I could recognize that I’ve reached my goal or spot opportunities, was after spending countless hours clarifying my values and goal. You’ll never know you’ve arrived if you don’t know what to look for. It sounds obvious, yet few people spend time clarifying any evidence of achieving a goal.
Luckily, I stumbled on a process while designing a coaching program. The process guides an individual through seven levels of an experience, allowing them to gain clarity on their goal by tapping into your higher purpose, identity, and values.
Each level of this process is equally important. However, what makes this process so impactful, in my opinion, is the rich, sensual image of the goal that is created. It allows you to recognize your dreams when they become a reality. Eliciting the core values aligned to your higher purpose is another key towards success as it taps into your intrinsic motivation.
A goal or vision without clarity on your core values is an empty vision. It is much like being stuck in a rat race, where you want that car or house or promotion, but once you get it, it leaves you unfulfilled, chasing a bigger car or house or position at work.
What makes achieving a goal fulfilling is not about how big the car or house or position is but how aligned it is to your values and purpose. Clarifying your goal is so much more than merely making it SMART. While it is important to make it measurable, what is even more important it to turn it into something you can taste, touch, smell, see, hear, and feel.
4. Work Through the Resistance
By far, the hardest part of the process of working towards achieving your goal is working through the resistance as it shows up. While most people would like a quick fix and a straight line towards a goal, the journey is much more like walking a labyrinth.
The process of manifestation is two-part: The first part is a process of filtering and sorting. You’re presented with options, like a buffet table. This allows you to incrementally clarify the details of what you want. The second and harder part of the process is being shown all the unconscious beliefs that stop you from achieving your goal in the form of resistance.
Most people today avoid these negative emotions as they arise. You are stopping yourself from breaking through limiting beliefs to reach your goal. It is only when you are able to sit with your pain and go towards the discomfort of feeling bad that you are able to move closer to your goal.
Clear limiting beliefs
As an example, on my journey towards getting paid for writing, I’ve had to deal with layer after layer of resistance. First a belief that no-one would be willing to pay for my work came up. When that was cleared, I became aware of a belief that I don’t think I’m a good enough writer with the right credentials. Then, it was a belief that my articles weren’t useful enough. Other beliefs that surfaced included that people don’t understand me, they don’t see my value. They don’t see me. They are too busy and selfish to notice someone else. And many, many more.
But each time a painful emotion arose, I dived into it, seeing what was behind it and integrating it. Slowly but surely more and more writing opportunities came my way as I worked through my resistance, tangible feedback of my emotional progress.
5. Look for Evidence of Success
The last piece of the puzzle that allows you to achieve your goals is to look for evidence of success. It’s so easy to get lost in the process and only see where you are now in relation to your goal. Seeing how far away from your goal you are can feel like having to jump the Grand Canyon. But when you take the time to look back at how far you’ve come, the gap starts shrinking.
Like a long journey, there are markers on the road to tell you how far away your destination is. While in goal setting the markers shows you how far you’ve come, rather than how much further you have to go, there are a lot of progress markers if you stop to look for them.
The more time you spend looking for evidence of success and celebrating it, the closer you’re moving towards your goal. By shifting your perspective from what you don’t have to what you’ve achieved so far – even if it’s not perfect – you’re lining up with more successes.
For example, tangible evidence that I have achieved my goal was sitting in a beautiful coffee shop with the smell of freshly brewed coffee. My computer is my only companion as I write away joyfully, knowing I’m getting paid for writing. Leading up to this, I spent a lot of time in coffee shops writing. I basked in the joy of these moments to anchor and reaffirm my goal continuously. While I wasn’t paid for writing at that stage, I was so appreciative of being able to sit in a coffee shop and write, which eventually resulted in paid opportunities.
Don’t Give up on Your Dreams
While getting paid for writing might sound like a small goal, it is a dream I once thought was impossible. I nearly gave up on that dream, having put so much effort into it and not yielding any results. But if you truly desire something and if it is aligned with your higher purpose, you’re meant to have your dreams come true.
Don’t give up on your dreams. Just keep going, one small step at a time. Keep going and keep improving until your ideal becomes real.
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With more than 20 years experience in the software development industry, Kate specializes in helping teams get unstuck, communicate better and ultimately be more productive. She believes in efficiency through fun implementing lean, agile and playful design as tools for process improvement and organizational change. Her goal is to create more happy, healthy and whole workplaces where each person thrives and productivity soars.