How To Be the Most Respected Person In The Room

We’ve all been neck-deep in the waters of emotional turbulence, whether we’re in a heated conversation, having a passive-aggressive quip thrown our way, or even being cut off in traffic. We all have triggers that flip our switch from relaxed to rattled. Here we look at how we can overcome those triggers and become the most respected person in the room.

When we’re in the thick of heightened emotion and overblown ego, it can be so blinding that the only way we think we can affect change is to fire back, defend ourselves, or even break the spirit of the other person to make a point. But trust me, this is one of the weakest and most powerless positions we could ever take.

The responsibility of leadership

If you’re a leader right now or a young person aspiring to be, let’s have a moment of honesty. Your rights, when you enter into leadership, do not get broader, they get much more narrow. You don’t have the option to fire back aimlessly, “express how you feel”, or vent on a whim anymore.

When you engage in conversation, you have a responsibility to stay above the emotion, because the moment you abdicate your high-level view from above the forest and you get down in the weeds with the rest of the room is the moment the conversation is lost. The people have lost their leader and they’ve lost sight of their mission.

Choosing your reaction

So, when you’re in a situation where emotions start to build, do this. Imagine that you’re looking out at sea as waves start rising and a storm starts to form. You know it’s going to be turbulent and you know you have to engage, but before you do, you have to decide on the form of transportation you’ll take.

Conveniently next to you and closest to the shore is a boat. It seems like the obvious choice, but not only will the boat put you smack dab in the middle of the storm, but its course will be at the mercy of every emotional wave, barely leaving you in control of arriving on the other side.

On the other hand, if you were to step back a few hundred feet, just offshore, you’d see a helicopter—the hybrid sort of helicopter that can make contact with both land and water. The helicopter has an element of detachment that ensures your trajectory will not be bound by the whims of the water, but it’s not so disconnected that you can’t dip down to engage, relate, and even rescue, if necessary.

Who do you suppose is the most respected person in the room and authoritative vessel in those situations?

How to Be the Most Respected Person in the Room

Exactly. So, here are several ways to be a helicopter instead of a boat:

1. Slow Your Breathing

The hot rush of blood to the head and racing heart rate can come on so fast in heightened situations. Your primal brain takes over and tells you to either flee or fight your counterpart. Don’t do either of these! Before you do anything else, communicate back to your brain that you want to stay composed and positive. A good start to tempering this defence mechanism is to slow your breathing.

2. Sit Up Straight

There’s something about straightening your back and lifting your shoulders that also raises your eyebrows, turns your lips upward, and elevates the pitch of your voice. This poises you for positivity, so when it’s time to speak, you’ll naturally frame your points in a more positive light and your listener will be more receptive to what you’re saying.

3. Actively Listen with Engaging Body Language

Your listener is constantly picking up on nonverbal cues that tell them whether you’re processing what they’re saying or if your mind is reeling with the next points you want to make. Genuinely listen and stay physically active with body language that demonstrates your engagement. Maintain eye contact, nod your head, and mirror back the emotions they’re exuding to indicate that you’re understanding them.

4. Give a Gift Every Time You Speak

Each time the conversation comes back around to you, ease into the points you want to make by using empathetic lead-ins or verbal gifts. This could be phrases like “I completely understand where you’re coming from”, “I can definitely see how that would be frustrating”, or “You’re always really good at seeing those things. Here’s how I would approach that…”. This is a powerful disarming technique that keeps people connected and receptive amid disagreement. And I think those statements need to be genuine. That’s why the previous point on active listening is so important because you can find the positives to latch onto as they speak and use those as your transition points.

5. Keep the Ultimate Target in Your Crosshairs

It’s so easy to slip into the belief that the other person is your target. They’re not. There is always a larger mission and goal beyond the momentary tension. Maintain a vision of that target and keep the conversation pointed in the direction of the ultimate goal.

6. Master the Art of Active Listening

Active listening is crucial for being a respected person. It involves fully concentrating, understanding, responding, and remembering what is being said. This shows others that you value their thoughts and opinions. When you actively listen, your brain’s prefrontal cortex, responsible for decision-making and social behaviour, is highly engaged. This activity helps you to empathize and respond thoughtfully, fostering respect.

7. Exhibit Authentic Confidence

Confidence without arrogance is a hallmark of a respected person. Authentic confidence comes from a true understanding of your strengths and weaknesses and the ability to convey them genuinely. Authentic confidence activates the brain’s reward system, specifically the nucleus accumbens, which can be contagious. People are naturally drawn to and respect those who exude genuine self-assurance.

8. Show Empathy and Compassion

Demonstrating empathy means understanding and sharing the feelings of others, while compassion involves a desire to help. These traits are essential for building respect. Empathy engages the mirror neuron system in the brain, which allows us to feel what others feel. This connection helps to build trust and respect as others feel understood and valued.

9. Communicate Clearly and Effectively

Clear and effective communication is key to being a respected person. This involves not only speaking well but also being concise and to the point. Effective communication activates the brain’s language centres, like Broca’s area and Wernicke’s area, ensuring that your message is received and understood, thereby earning you respect for your clarity and directness.

10. Maintain Integrity and Honesty

Integrity and honesty are foundational to earning respect. This means being truthful, reliable, and consistent in your actions and decisions. Maintaining integrity aligns with the brain’s frontal lobe functions, responsible for ethical decision-making. When people see you as honest and reliable, they are more likely to respect you.

11. Practice Humility

Humility involves recognizing that you are not infallible and being open to learning from others. It is a sign of strength, not weakness. Practising humility can lower activity in the brain’s ego-related regions, such as the anterior cingulate cortex. This fosters a collaborative environment where others feel respected and valued, thereby earning their respect in return.

12. Offer Constructive Feedback

Being able to provide constructive feedback is a skill that separates a respected person from the rest. This involves giving suggestions that are helpful, specific, and delivered with kindness. Constructive feedback stimulates the prefrontal cortex, promoting critical thinking and problem-solving. It shows that you are invested in others’ growth, thereby earning their respect.

13. Exhibit Consistency in Actions

Consistency in your actions and decisions builds trust and reliability. When people know what to expect from you, they are more likely to respect you. Consistency activates the brain’s habit-forming centres, like the basal ganglia. This predictability and reliability make others feel secure in their interactions with you, fostering respect.

14. Show Gratitude and Appreciation

Expressing gratitude and appreciation for others’ efforts and achievements is a powerful way to earn respect. It shows that you recognize and value their contributions. Gratitude activates the brain’s reward system and enhances feelings of happiness and social bonding, making people feel respected and appreciated, which in turn earns you respect.

15. Lead by Example

Leading by example means embodying the qualities you wish to see in others. It involves demonstrating the behaviours and attitudes that you value. Leading by example engages the brain’s mirror neurons, prompting others to emulate your behaviour. This alignment of values and actions earns you respect as people see you living up to the standards you set.

Choosing the helicopter is choosing to stay above the turbulence so you can lead the tough conversations with a voice that is respected, impartial, and on a mission. When you’re present in this capacity, you become an elevated reference point that encourages people to constantly look up. And each time they do, they’re reminded that there’s more happening around them than the storm they’re in the middle of. They’re reminded that there’s a destination beyond this that we’re all working together to reach.

A leader who can embrace the tension of staying emotionally composed yet deeply connected is the most powerful kind of leader. They are the most respected person in the room.  It’s going to take some creativity and positivity to navigate within your narrower set of rights, but once you discover that these boundaries strengthen your effectiveness and rapport, it becomes one of the most rewarding ways to lead.

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